I try to live my life by the lyrics of Journey songs. I find they can be applied to almost any situation, and when Steve Perry’s golden soprano murmurs advice in my ear, I would be a fool not to listen. Just today, I heard him whisper Circus life under the big top world, we all need the clowns to make us laugh . . .

I took that as a sign that he wanted me to watch Robert Pattinson try to be a Polish veterinarian who inadvertently joins the circus after his parents die in a car crash. (Just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit, he took the midnight train goin’ anywhere. . .) The train that he jumps is full of kindly roustabouts and they immediately try to find work for him, even though the business is floundering and the crazy boss keeps throwing people off the moving train to avoid paying them. RPat falls in love with the perky blond circus star (Reese Witherspoon) who is unfortunately married to the psycho ringleader (When I’m alone all by myself, You’re out with someone else, Lovin’, touchin’, squeezin’ each other). But love cannot be denied and destiny will not keep them apart (I know you got that special something, oh, baby I know you like to keep it hummin’, oh, baby ’cause girl, lovin’ you is so easy. Oh, woh, woh, lovin’ you is so easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, Yeah, yeah, yeah) and the passion is so strong that both of their faces freeze and they have to pretend they have no chemistry between them so her husband won’t find out. But he does and he shows how mad he is by beating an elephant with a big stick, which is the only part of this film that will sicken you (Spinning ’round, in a spell, It’s hard to leave this carousel ’round and ’round And ’round and ’round) RPat gets beat up a lot, too, but he never once changes his expression (Lying beside you, here in the dark, feeling your heart beat with mine) and he eventually turns into ninety year old Hal Holbrook, who is narrating the story sort of like the old woman in Titanic (Only the young can say, They’re free to fly away, Sharing the same desires, Burnin’ like wildfire) You’ll be pleased to know that the elephant, who is the best actor in the film, gets her revenge.

The book was very entertaining. I am not sure how they got from that to this. (It’s been a mystery and still they try to see, Why somethin’ good can hurt so bad) I think I’m going to stop listening to Steve Perry. He has terrible taste in films.
Some will win, some will lose.
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on . . .

Barf Bag Rating: Zero Bags Don’t stop believing in this system – eventually I’ll hit a film that will make my stomach turn over like a wheel in the sky.