Breaking Dawn

Y’all know I love you, right? Keeping my devoted readers happy is my number one goal. Why, next to my kids, my family, my cats, and about twelve other things I can’t remember at the moment, you guys are the most important people in the whole world to me. Watching those clicks turn over in the Blog Stats counter is addictive – like a monkey on crack, I just want more more MORE! And I’d do just about anything to get your attention. But as a certain Mr. Loaf once astutely sang, “I would do anything for love (but I won’t do that).”

For example: I won’t see Breaking Dawn for you. Now I’m not judging you if you’re into this particular trilogy. I know grown-ass intelligent people who swoon over this series; the film has been number one at the Box Office for weeks now, so clearly I am in the minority. And I have my own guilty pleasures that I’ve been known to stream when no one else is around (coughOutrageousFortunewith ShelleyLongcough). I will cheerfully admit that I’ve never even given the Twilight movies a chance. I read about half of the first book and thought it was so badly written that I made a conscious decision that I would not waste another moment of my life on anything else involving vampire love threesomes and abstinence. (True Blood is exempted from this rule, of course, because naked Alexander Skarsgard trumps anything else.) I am not a fan of the wooden stick known lovingly to his fans as RPat, and I think Taylor Lautner is stunningly unattractive, no matter how many dirty panties you could scrub clean on his abs.

The only reason I even bring this movie up is to plant a warning label on it. Not having seen it myself, I was interested when articles started showing up online that wrote that people were actually having seizures in the theatre. Not just nausea or headaches, mind you, but full-blown gran mal seizures; and that people with epilepsy should not see this movie. Apparently the big birth scene where Bella has her little half-human, half vampire baby is filmed with flashing strobe lights and red and black filters that switch on and off at alarming speed, no doubt to signify that something terrifying is about to happen. Apparently this was a safer choice than actually letting Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart act.

So I just wanted to make sure that none of my precious readers wound up writhing on the floor in agony when a simple heads up would have prevented it. There aren’t that many of you to begin with, so let’s be careful out there. I don’t have a cute icon to signify “This film will give you a seizure” yet, so I’ll have to work on that. Maybe a tongue depressor.

We’re heading into Serious Movie Time when all the potential Academy Award winners are released, and this blog will start to pick up speed as soon as it finishes its’ Christmas shopping. Hey, look! It’s snowing! Must be time to go watch Elf again.

7 thoughts on “Breaking Dawn

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