Hope Springs

Don’t let anyone tell you that grammar isn’t important. Commas are crucial, and if you haven’t learned about prepositions yet, you could be in for some real disappointment when you discover there is a big difference between movies with sex and movies about sex.

Movies with sex are the ones that make you feel kind of tingly and usually involve a bit of sweaty nakedness and some rolling around and getting down. These films can run the gamut from lots of winking and nudging to full frontal let’s-watch-it-again-from-this-angle scenes. Porn is pretty matter of fact about what it wants to accomplish but romantic comedies are usually a bit more subtle – they like to actually wrap a plot around the sex scenes so that they can get girls to watch, too, because everyone knows that we are too genteel to admit we might be interested. Continue reading

Men in Black 3

According to the movies, there are many ways to travel through time. The first that comes to mind is your standard DeLorean ride with a variety of fuels such as plutonium or garbage. You can fly backwards and reverse the rotation of the planet, swish around in a hot tub with a topless Megan Draper or try to find an actual phone booth occupied by either Keanu Reeves or Dr. Who. If the film has some configuration of H.G. Wells in it, he’ll build his own time machine, but if you’re kind of lazy and can’t be bothered to explain how it’s done, just sit on a curb in Paris around midnight and you’ll end up hanging out with Gertrude Stein. I wish Ernest Hemingway had punched Woody Allen when he got back to 1920. Continue reading

Captain America 3D

It’s been a good summer for villains without noses. First we had the snakelike profile of Rafe Fiennes slithering through the frames of Harry Potter, and now Captain America has introduced us to the Red Skull, a tomato faced skeletor with nothing but a big old hole where the schnozz should be. I almost included Owen Wilson in this group, but he actually has a nose in Midnight in Paris. It’s just that it looks like a penis. But I digress. Continue reading

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